Effective communication

Couple years ago, I engaged in a unique, eye-opening experience where I had to live, eat and breathe with a group of seven strangers for five days. Wild, right?

Well on a Friday afternoon, I walked into a warm, quiet house right along the beach with my overly packed suitcase and no idea of what to expect. “What am I going to learn?” “Will the people like me?” “Will I be the youngest?” “What am I doing here?” All these questions started to pop into my head. I nervously crept up the stairs to find a group of individuals standing in the kitchen.

“Okay, let’s be open-minded Anisha and get this weekend rolling,” I told myself. The introductions began, and the rest… well that is another story to tell. All I can say is that those five days were the strangest yet best days of my life.

Why is effective communication important?

To put it simply, people are different. No one person is the same. Now you may be wondering, “How can I communicate and avoid misunderstandings with people who are different from myself?”

Great question.

The ability to communicate with those who are not the same as you is crucial in your career (and your relationship), regardless of whether you’re an IC (individual contributor) or a manager. Poor communicators allow conflicts to develop by being quick to blame the other person. Maybe they are arrogant. Maybe they do not understand your language well.

Before you start nodding, just wait and think.

Have you ever considered this — what someone says to you is not what you interpreted? You may not be hearing what the person is intending to say. This is the deep-seated reason as to why miscommunication occurs, and this is where active listening comes in handy. (Remember the game telephone?)

Imagine your colleague Joseph approaches you, regarding a concern he has. Here are a few tips to successfully communicate with him:

• Listen

You want to listen to what Joseph is saying. Allow him to express his thoughts freely without interruption. Don’t worry, you will have your chance to speak.

Joseph: You don’t know how to design apps very well.

• Repeat

You may feel a little defensive or even thrown off by this. You want to tell Joseph, “Are you kidding me? You don’t!” Rather than showing your frustration or confusion, repeat what you heard. This offers a chance for Joseph to clarify what he meant.

You: Thanks for the feedback, Joseph. What I heard you say is that you don’t think I can design apps well.

Joseph: Well… the design really isn’t up to par with company standards.

You: To clarify, you aren’t saying that my designs are bad. You are saying that my design could be better and up to company standards.

• Provide your perspective

You should have a better understanding of Joseph’s intention. This is your chance to share your side. Let Joseph know how this made you feel.

You: If I may, I’d like to provide my perspective on this. I feel surprised because I did not know that this is how you felt. I appreciate you for sharing this…

By following these three simple steps, you will be able to find common ground and to share your thoughts without letting anger take over. You can successfully communicate with anyone, especially by repeating back what you heard. Clarification is key.

Practice, practice, practice

Practice this with your closest colleagues or friends. It will make a wild difference in your productivity and self-esteem. It sure has for me.