3 challenges I experienced as a first time mom
After 5.5 months of becoming a first time mom, I finally have a moment to reflect and share what’s been going on in my life. It took me over 100+ naps to write this out.
Let’s rewind to March 22. I was 2 days into my maternity leave with all these plans to go to my favorite restaurants and sleep a lot (and I mean a lot) before our baby arrived. Miss Maya had other plans for us and entered the world 2 weeks early. Well there went my pizookie from BJ’s.
I had read some books and blogs to help prepare for this moment of becoming a parent. But let me tell you… motherhood is no joke, and paternity leave is not a vacation by any means. I. am. so. exhausted. I am, though, very grateful to have had this time to bond with Maya.
The 3 biggest challenges I have experienced so far as a mom: breastfeeding, getting Maya to nap, and finding some “me” time.
Feeding
The feeding journey has been a roller coaster to say the least. From the physical pain I endured such as mastitis, thrush, and milk blebs to the emotional burden of being the sole source of nutrition for my baby, I felt like the lactation gods were against me. I wanted to give up multiple times.
After several trips to the doctors and lactation specialists, I kept getting the same advice (which basically was no help). I felt like I needed to figure out the root cause of the pain on my own. My husband joked that I started a chemical lab at home trying to create the perfect cure.
What kept me going was seeing a happy, milk drunk baby each time. When Maya and I locked eyes, all the stress (and pain) in the world went away. My goal is simply to raise a well fed and healthy baby. So whatever it took.
Tip: Add about 1 tbsp of Epsom salt to warm water in a Haakaa. Keep the Haakka on for 10–20 minutes to help clear clogged ducts. It can get messy, so I recommend doing this in the shower. Apply some olive oil afterwards. Repeat a few times throughout the day if needed.
Napping
I kept hearing and seeing all these posts on social media about nap schedules, this concept of putting your baby down in the crib “drowsy but awake”, and safe sleeping environments. It was truly discouraging for me because Maya would only sleep with and on me for naps. Her naps were all over the place as well. There was (and still is) no schedule or consistency, so I am just rolling with it at this point.
I felt like we were constantly facing some sort of nap regression. Every time we took a step forward, we ended up taking 10 steps back. For example, Maya began napping for only 20–30 minutes around the 4-month mark. By the time I put her down and sat down on the couch, she’d be right up. I would simply “save” the nap by holding her to keep her sleeping instead of having to deal with a cranky, overtired baby.
It’s karma, though. I would complain when she’d contact nap for 3 hours, but she’d at least allow me to binge watch Netflix. I watched so much S.W.A.T. and am now a huge Shemar Moore fan. These days any sound or light will bother Maya. I miss those newborn, sleepy days!
It was truly exhausting and definitely frustrating to contact nap all the time, especially sitting in a dark nursery with constant white noise blasting. Nap time was something I didn’t look forward to.
What kept me going was seeing the big smile on her face when she would wake up. That’s how I knew she’s a well rested baby. Again, whatever it took.
After a ton of patience, resilience, and some sleep coaching, we’re finally in a good place where she can put herself to sleep and no longer needs to contact nap 95% of the time… let’s see how long this lasts.
Tip: Check out the Snoo by Happiest Baby. While it is pricey, it is 100% worth it. Even though Maya loved to contact nap, the Snoo did help with gentle sleep training to consolidate her night sleep, which is now helping her daytime sleep. I will share a full review in a different post.
Finding “Me” Time
I thought by week 6 postpartum, I’d be able to resume my “normal” lifestyle. I was so wrong.
I have yet to get to the nail salon.
There were (and still are) days I went without showering.
I can’t even remember the last time I went to the movies — I really did want to go watch Barbie and Oppenheimer!
All this self-care and free time went out the door March 22, and I never realized how much I would miss my “old” life.
What kept me going is knowing that this phase of life only lasts for so long. There is another parent out there trying to put their baby back to sleep at 2am as well. There is another mother out there who hasn’t changed her pajamas for 3 days. And again, whatever it took.
I will eventually have time back for myself. And in the meantime, I am finding small ways to focus on myself in order to recharge and have the energy to be the best mom possible for Maya.
Tip: Ask for help! It’s easy to assume your support partner(s) know the type of help you need, but that isn’t always the case. Clearly communicate what you need and when. And don’t feel guilty about it. Just leaving the house for 20 minutes to go get my eyebrows done made me feel whole again.
I have 1 week left till I return to work. I’m excited yet nervous to navigate this new chapter as a working mom now. I will keep everyone posted on how the transition goes! Wish me luck!
